I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Randomize
