No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
