don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
