Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
