Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
