i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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