Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize