Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
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Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF