if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
