dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"