Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death