just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many