I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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