I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?