somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
