No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
