when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
