omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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