Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
