i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wear drunk well.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize