there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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