At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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