I skipped work to stalk him.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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