Define "chronic" masturbator.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
