I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
