you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
