All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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