i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
