I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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