ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You made out with two different species that night
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
