Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
