Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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