You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
