If i come over, it means nothing
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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