I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
