When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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