I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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