he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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