Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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