hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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