He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
