I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
