i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
