U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
