I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
