im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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