i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
