Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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