He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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