Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
