I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
