I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
