you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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