you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
