a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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