But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
