my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My penis needs a shock collar
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
