He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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