ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
