he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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