Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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