What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
