The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
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You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
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If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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