Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
