Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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