ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
