i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
