oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
