DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
birth control should be required to get into college
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
