i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
