Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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