I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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