What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
