You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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