i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
